December 2020
Are we running out of things to invent?
We started with fire, then the wheel, then, I dunno, diving bread. Now we're so fresh out of ideas that we're re-inventing things, like _____.
November 2020
Pandemic humor
Best part of the pandemic is that it's removed the stigma around the question of, "Have you been tested?"
New business idea
I want to start a kid-walking business. It's like Wag or Rover for dogs, except when you want to go on vacation, but don't want to take your kids, you leave them at home, and a complete stranger comes into your home, takes them out on a leash, exercises them, picks up their poop, and returns them safely to your home.
October 2020
Pet names (for people)
I don't use "pet names" because I believe that *how* you say the name of your significant other should say it all. There is already the preface of idiot or dear or you-are-in-big-trouble, simply by the intonation of your voice.
September 2020
I don't use "pet names" because I believe that *how* you say the name of your significant other should say it all.
August 2020
Throw pillows: One man's bed is another woman's art project.
July 2020
Significant other leaving cabinet doors open, follow behind them closing each one like Vanna White in Wheel of Fortune.
June 2020
My favorite gender reveal? [Arm around invisible partner] "We're having a boy!"
May 2020
I'm so grateful for Tik Tok and Reels...
See, I was fretting about where is find people to be in my next music video, but now I have an endless supply of amazing dancers and choreographers.
April 2020
COVID had officially killed small talk. So, what's new...?
March 2020
People who FaceTime instead of calling, but they hold their phones at their waists. Great look at your neck-chin, but why not just call.
February 2020
Carrying around change, in a plastic bag, to deposit at a Coinstar
There's no way of not looking desperate. Gets even worse when the machines are out of order. Clerk sees you, stops their own checkout process, "Oh are you looking for the Coinstar...? Yeah, it's out of order...sorry."
I feel obliged to tell the whole line, "Oh, no, I'm not, like *that* desperate. I just couldn't for any more change into my piggy bank.
Yes, I have a piggy bank.
January 2020
Simply going to the gym is your GOOJ free card for the day
You could literally do nothing else for the rest of the day, but still lord it over other people in your life. People ask you, "So, what did you do today?"
"Well, I went to the gym..."
Nuff said.